Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
