Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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