Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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