she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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