My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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