I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize