having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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