i jhust puked up my retainher.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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