I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
