it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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