For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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