I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
