Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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