Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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