i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
