More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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