as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
