I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
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I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
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I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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