Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
