so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
