forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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