Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
