got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
