so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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