dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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