look no pants
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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