i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
