The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
