My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
