I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
