at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
