dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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