I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
