Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i love accidental penises.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
