I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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