i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Is it penis luge time yet?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
