I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize