you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
