Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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