Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
