Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We have started to decorate penises.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
