Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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