That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
