There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Randomize
