if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
