I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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