grandma shit on top of the toilet
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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