I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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