There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
