we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
