Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
