At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
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