So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
