Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
