Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
