Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
