The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
