Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
