My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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