before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
