Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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