You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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