went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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